Thursday, July 17, 2008

Some More About Me (SMAM)

Ok, so far I've kept this bolg pretty much on track with running, and it've been debating going into anything else. I've decided to share a little more, but not too much!

Of course it involves the whole guy situation/dating. For a quick re-cap on what got me into this whole running thing, read my very first post, or here is an excerpt from it -
"I'll spare you the details (for now), but I went through a situation with a friend of mine right around my 32nd birthday, and it wore me out....completely. It was stressful, painful, scarey, and exhausting. The thing is, it wasn't "about me", I was merely helping this person out when they were in a very bad place in their life. Eventually it took a toll on me and left me questioning everything about myself, somehow it rocked my confidence and left me low, to pick up the pieces on my own.Sometimes to find yourself or "get yourself back" you need to push outside of your comfort zone. Show yourself how strong you are and exactly what you can do, prove that you are not broken. Well, at least this is the way my brain works. So, that is exactly what I did."
So, that "person", has been a significant part of my life, on and off, for nearly 10 years. We are now in differnet states, but sometimes you would never know it. We are TOTALLY NOT together, at all, I am completely single. It's the relationship that won't go away, but it's the relationship that won't work. We've always been there for each other (moment of honesty - I have always been there, his attendance is more like 60% at best). Anyway, I should have walked away a long time ago, actually I should have sprinted! There have been some other random dates for me, NOTHING of any significance, as I have still been "carrying the torch" BIG TIME!
Things can go on for a couple weeks, few phone calls here and there, no big deal, and then something happens and it's like a bomb, and everything spirals out of control (for me). In reality, nothing really happens, but at the moment it feels like something really bad has happened.
That is what happened yesterday. Something (that was really nothing) happened, and there I was - spiraling away! The rest of the day pretty much sucked......until I went out for my run last night. It took a lot of prodding to get my booty out there, then I remembered I might run into the "trail hottie" from the previous post, and got myself out there. I never did see "trail hottie", but the more I ran the better I felt, so I ran a little further and a little faster than I planned. When I was done I felt a million times better, like I got myself back.
This will be an ongoing challenge for me (moving on), but I am up for it.
So here is my plan (always gotta have a plan)!!!
1. Keep getting out there more (happy hour, running groups, ...)
2. Keep everything in perspective and not let the actions of someone else effect my day in such a huge way.
3. Work on "keeping the distance" from the negative, and FOCUS on my progress, my goals, and all things positive!!

Enough of my "other stuff", here's a re-cap of my run last night-
Back to Peters Trail, did 5.5 miles. My 5 mile time was 47 minutes!
My Blister - it came back. So sad, but I'm going to get rid of it, one way or another!!!!


Anonymous said...

Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and do what is best for you. I think finding an outlet (such as running) that allows you the time to regroup is important. Hang in there.

Nice job on the run. Hope you see "trail hottie" again soon.

*aron* said...

awesome job on the run!!! isnt it amazing how much better it can make you you just leave it all out on the trail/pavement, etc.

you are great, stay strong and you will get through it!

Jess said...

I agree wtih d10...sometimes we've just got to put our feet down, but I know it's definitely not easy! Glad your run helped you feel better about things!

Megan said...

Glad your posting on the other stuff - cause the running times is making me feel BAD about myself! The crap relationships - now there I can relate.

Running To Stand Still said...

47 minutes is awesome!!!

Good for you for pushing and getting out there.

jahowie said...

It sounds like you have a very good plan. You should have no problem finding someone new. In the meantime continue to use those running highs when you start feeling down. You might want to try some different running socks, or maybe even some body glide for the blister problem. Nice job getting out there!! :-)

ncrunner12 said...

Sounds like youv'e got a great plan. The attitude I took when going through those tough times was that without being selfish you still have to look out for number one.

Keep up with the running though, gives you time to think about things and it’s better than… what is ladies like… chocolate! You’re doing awesome on your runs, way to go.

teacherwoman said...

Glad to hear you are doing what is best for you! It's hard, but you will be happy in the long run! Believe me.

P.O.M. said...

That's what blogs are for. Spill it. I hesitated at first too. Especially becuase I knew my boyfriend (at the time) read it sometimes. Now I don't care. I just put it all out there!

Running is such a great way to refocus. I haven't met a running guy YET, but I think it will be awesome when it happens.

Words of Wisdom

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing will disturb your peace of mind.
See the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
Think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best.
Forget about the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
Spend so much time on the improvement of yourself that there is no time to criticize others.
Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."
~ Chistian Dior

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."
- Dr. Spock

"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace the test or flunk the class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourslef. Breathe. And enjoy the ride. "
- Solbeam