Aren't they adorable?!?!?!?! If you have any experience/advice on handling wild kitties, feel free to share!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Aren't they adorable?!?!?!?! If you have any experience/advice on handling wild kitties, feel free to share!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Just thought these were kind of cool pics and figured that most of my "blog friends" only know 2 things about me....I ran a marathon, and now I'm injured! So now you know a little bit more! LOL!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Then on Saturday night we went to a friends house for a Pasta Dinner (they were running), Erin and I decided that we needed to carb load for the next day! LOL! After that we headed to Erin's house where we finished up the signs and went to bed around midnight. Before we knew it it was time to get up....5am and we weren't running! This was to get the signs out there before the road closures!
As we got closer to "our bridge" I was getting so excited! I knew that it wouldn't be long before we would start to see runners. We still had to get the signs spread out over the bridge....
Once we had the signs up it was time to sit back and wait.....
Oh, I forgot to mention, Erin brought a Megaphone/Bullhorn thing.....not that I needed it....BUT I LOVED it!!!!! I noticed a "camera guy" hanging around quite a bit, then he made his way over to us.....I ended up on the news! http://email@example.comDuring the "interview" one of our good friends that we did MCM with came running by, I was SOOOOO happy to see her! I never would have made it through my training for MCM if Chrisie wasn't there, as you can see....it was a little emotional (all while camera man stands there!)!
Eventually we made our way to the finish line and got to see just about all of our teammates cross the line! It was amazing!!! By then it seems like we pretty much stopped taking pictures and were totally "in the moment"....but I never stopped using by Bullhorn!
It was an amazing race and I was so happy to still get to be a part of it, even though I couldn't run. It was a little bitter sweet, it only made me realize even more how much I want to be able to really be a part of it all again. I know it's going to be a long time for me though, but until then I plan on being the best cheerleader out there! GO TEAM!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Also, I went to the hip doctor today, xrays were fine (as we thought they'd be) and scheduled for an MRI next Thursday to see if there is a labral tear.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Of course there's more to this update....2 more things actually, I'll start with a conversation regarding my future with running at PT.
PT: So, your Dr. has talked to you about running in the future, right?
ME: Yeah, basically no more Full Marathons (PT nods his head in agreement), which I say is fine since "I really just want to run a bunch of 1/2's".
PT: Like how many 1/2's are we talking about?
ME: Well, my plan before all of this was that I was going to do 5 this year, so I'd like to be able to return to that plan at some point.
PT: I'm not so sure about that......maybe 1 or 2 per year.
ME: Why? (tears filling up in my eyes)
PT: Why would you want to do that to your body? I know you love it but I don't think you understand...
ME: Understand what? (tears fully streaming down my face)
PT: Oh no, listen, I'm treating you as I always said I would, as if you were one of my family, one of my loved ones. Listen, let's say that when we're born God gives us Grade A+ cartilage.
ME: (nod my head)
PT: I'm thinking that for your cartilage to blow out so fast in your ankle, maybe you started off with Grade B, or maybe B-.
ME: (nod my head, wipe tears, curse at my fucking sub-par cartilage)
PT: Then you blow out a chunk of your B or B- cartilage and the Dr has to go in, clean stuff out, and then "pick" your bone to make it bleed and form scar tissue to "act" as cartilage in the place where you have none.
ME: (suck in the snot that's about to come out with a massive downpour of tears, curse my motherfucking cartilage again)
PT: So now we're talking about having an F in cartilage and maybe a C in substitue cartilage. It's not meant to be "beat up" like that.
ME: (trying to not sob, doing ok at keeping it together, nod my head) This sucks.
PT: I know, it does, 100% without a doubt totally sucks. Look, if it was your knee and you were so into continuing to run, I'd say - Well, alright go ahead, we'll try to keep you as healthy as possible, just know that you'll probably get about 10 years of running and then it will be time for a knee replacement, if you don't run you'd probably need one in about 20 years, so enjoy the next 10 years. BUT unfortunately, ankles are totally different than knees. An ankle replacement is shoddy at best, that's not an option for you, but if you keep tearing your ankle apart you are going to be left with horrible arthritis and not be able to function.
ME: fuck. what am I going to do now?
I'm not handling this well, at all. I know that I could swim, I could bike, but come on you guys - YOU are the only one's that know, they aren't the same. I know that no one can give me the answer here, because there really isn't one, it just sucks. Once again, it makes me feel like I got cheated, I just found running and all the great things that came from it, and I might not get to do it all again. Sure, I could do a 5K or maybe even a 10K at some point (which I'm sure I'll be very happy to do when the time comes), but the truth is I like 10, 11, 12, 13 miles. I don't really like 3,4, or 5. You guys know, doing a 5K and doing a 1/2 are completely different. I like how a 1/2 feels.
Part 2 of the update.......so, I was in "the boot" for about 9 weeks (6w/crutches and then partial to full weight bearing). During those last few weeks walking with the boot I started having major pain in my right hip, it was so bad that it was actually waking me up at night. So at PT we started treating that too, stretches, heat, ice, massage. It was really deep in my hip, more like my groin area, my iliopsoas was really tight and tender, so that sort of made sense. Well, after a couple weeks of treating that and not getting much of a response the PT tried moving it a few more ways, then steps back and says "I don't like this. I'm getting very concerned as to why we're getting no where." I say "I know, seriously, do you think something else is wrong?" He says "Look, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't tell you this, but I need you to see a hip specialist, let's just hope that you are all jammed up from that boot, but I gotta tell you, you have a lot of the symptoms of a Labral Tear." Me "WTF?" PT "I know, look, let's just hope it's just jammed up and maybe you've got a strain in there, but you need to see someone, get some x-rays and an MRI." ME - (crying).
So, this Wednesday I will be seeing a hip specialist to figure this out. My hip HURTS, like a bitch. It hurts when I'm sitting here, it hurts when I'm laying in bed, it hurts when I'm driving, it hurts when I'm walking around.
Seriously, I'm done. I'm so over all these stupid injuries. I just want what I had last year back. I want the excitement of running in new places, meeting new friends, buying new Nike shirts, feeling good, actually feeling amazing, happy, proud, I want it all back.
That's it for now. I wish that my update was full of good news, and that everything was falling back into place, but right now it's not looking like it will. I think I need a vacation.....
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
-Physical Therapy 3 times per week for 2 hours each time (stretches, stim, ultra sound, exercises,...)
-When I'm home I wear a lace up ankle brace with my sneaker, I'm allowed to walk around in it, not up and down the steps
-Wear the boot at work and anytime that I'm out of the house
It's going OK, but then I'll be walking around in the boot and then all of a sudden I get those sharp stabbing pains again, they feel very similar to the ones I had before the surgery....they can last for anywhere from 10-40 steps, when it happens it's very hard to keep walking, and super painful. I've talked to the PT about it and talked to the Dr today, they say it's hard to tell what it means, but that most people don't experience pain when they're in the boot, we're going to continue on the plan and keep transitioning out of the boot, but I have to be honest...right now I'm not feeling so good about any of this.
I know it's very early in the recovery period, but it's definitely starting to wear on me. I need to find something else that I can do (right now) that I will enjoy, give me something to look forward to.....(what am I going to do....knit?). I have been going to the gym 3-4 times per week and doing upper body, but of course without any cardio the "crutch weight" (about 8 pounds) isn't going to vanish, and the extra pounds aren't helping in the "happiness" department. It's just so frustrating right now, on one hand I keep saying to myself "why did I have this surgery????", but then I remember that 3 Doctors told me I needed to have it......
Sorry that this is such a bitchy post, I'm just stuck right now.
I miss blogging about fun running stuff, but I'm glad that I still get to read all of yours!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
A year ago I didn't have this blog and had never run further than a 5K. As a matter of fact, exactly 1 year ago I was at the beginning of a very long and stressful road, not one that I would be running on, but a road with a very dear friend of mine who was about to have a complete breakdown. My friend had dealt with depression and anxiety, they had good days and bad days, but I could feel in the weeks leading up to this day that something was really off this time, and they were in trouble, in total need of help. The weeks that followed were so emotionally and physically draining, I was constantly worried and stressed out about what was happening with them and if they were ok. In the week leading up to the breakdown and then through that week and in the early weeks of treatment, there were many times that I thought I was going to lose them forever, that there was no way they were going to make it out of this, it was the most painful thing to witness, and I knew that no matter what I did it still might not be enough. I remember on my birthday getting an awful phone call from them, they were a mess, in such pain and so deep in depression, I stopped what I was doing (driving to my bday dinner) and pulled over on the side of the road and talked, and talked, and talked until I felt like it was ok to get off the phone for a little while, went to my dinner and cut it short to get back on the phone. I remember thinking "they don't even realize it's my birthday" then feeling so guilty that I was thinking that....but realizing that it just made it that much more clear to me that they were so far off.
Thankfully after a serious intervention and intense help (and many months) they have been able to make tremendous progress, they are getting "back to themselves", sure they still have rough days but they are able to deal with them, they are looking forward to new things in their life, and they want to live. It's almost hard to believe that it was just a year ago today that I was so afraid of what was going to happen to them...I remember making my wish when I was cutting my birthday cake, I just wished "for them to be ok". Can I just tell you how wonderful it felt when I checked my voice mail messages this morning and the first one was from them, singing Happy Birthday.....it brought a great smile to my face.
While going through the above situation I felt myself getting "sucked in" and for some reason it caused me to question everything about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, and honestly I was left feeling so weak, so "average" (something that I never like to be), basically I felt like shit. I knew that I couldn't do the work to "save" my friend, I could just lead them to the right places and support them, but I realized that I needed to do something to "save" myself. I felt like nothing I had accomplished was that great, like I had been coasting by in my life, afraid to fail, missing out on things, not taking chances, not committing , just going through the motions.
Once I acknowledged that I "needed" to do "something", something that wasn't going to be easy, that I had to work hard at, that for the most part I could control (meaning that I wouldn't have to completely depend on others to accomplish it), I knew it was a Marathon. That was something that I always said "I could never do" and I always admired those who were able to do it, the strength and discipline to be able to train for and complete a marathon....I knew I had it in me, it was in me just dying because I had been too afraid to let it out. I had to let go of my fears and go for it.....so I did.
My marathon training started in May (my first long run was 4 miles!), although I didn't tell many people until June what my plans were. I immediately felt a sense of purpose for myself again, that was something that I had been missing terribly. Everything was going well, then towards the middle of the month my 9 year old English Mastiff, Mister, started to fail. He had arthritis in hips and back, and on May 21 (which happens to also be the above mentioned friends birthday), I lost my boy. I had him since he was 9 weeks old, he had been with me through everything, I was crushed. I knew though I was so lucky to have him for so long, and I was so lucky to be there with him, he was never alone, never scared, he gave me one more big kiss and just went on in true Mister style....snoring peacefully.
Getting back to training was hard on one hand (all I wanted to do was sleep), but it was also the best escape. Training kept me out of the house, and that was a good thing (it was so empty without my 210 pound buddy), but it also gave me time to think about him and remember all of the good times that we had. Training also kept giving me back more of myself. Each weekend I was running further than I ever had, there were times I would cry in the middle of a run....sometimes I was crying because I lost Mister, sometimes because I still couldn't process everything I went through with my friend, sometimes because my feet hurt so bad, and sometimes it was actually because I was in disbelief that I was running 9 miles.
I did all of my training with Team in Training, and that was one of the best decisions of my life. I made so many new friends, learned how to train, learned so much about myself, all while raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Those group runs saved me, they gave me the support I needed to finish something that would change my life, but it wasn't finishing it that changed my life, it was every step along the way that did.
Finally my big day came, October 26 (exactly 5 months ago from today), the Marine Corps Marathon. It was amazing, it will forever be one of the most amazing experiences of my life (for a full re-cap of my experience click here for that blog entry).
The rest of the year was spent smiling ear to ear, still in shock that I completed a marathon, and in some pain, but hey, that comes with the territory, right???? When it was all said and done I knew I was on the right road back to myself, but we all know that isn't a journey that ever really ends, we are constantly defining ourselves. I just finally felt like I was on the right path, after being on the wrong one for so long!
Then the whole ankle thing happened, that's still recent enough that you don't need me to review that......surgery on Feb 5, in a boot on crutches, blah blah blah.....
And that leads me to today, My Birthday! I'm still in the boot and on crutches, but guess what I got to do today?????? I got to DRIVE!!!! So I'm making progress, but most importantly I'm getting some of my independence back, which will be very helpful in me getting back on the right path.
Physical Therapy is going well, it looks like I'm in the clear on the whole RSD thing, I might get to start riding the stationary bike next week, and hopefully I'll be out of the boot and off the crutches in about 2 more weeks. As for when I'll be running again, that won't be for a while, but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time and be hopeful for 2010.
Sorry that this post got so long (and so rushed at the end, but I'm getting sleepy)!
So, there you have my year in review, from 32 to 33.....what a year it has been.
Thanks to all of my friends in blogland, you've all helped me through the "downs" and celebrated the "ups" with me, I'm looking forward to another great year...hopefully full of "ups"!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I went to the Dr on Monday for my 6 wk check up, everything looks like it's healing nicely! I am now allowed to put weight on my foot (in the boot) while using my crutches. That is a nice break for my armpits! I also started Physical Therapy this week.....it was eventful to say the least.....
Everything was going fine, like a normal PT session (stretches, massage, resistance exercises,...) and then it was time for the hot/cold contrast therapy. We started off with the hot moist packs, that felt great. Then it was time for the ice pack.....I put my foot on it and one was wrapped around my ankle, I lasted for about 12 seconds then the pain was SO INTENSE I seriously started to freak out, it felt like someone was stabbing me in my arch, the physical therapist came into the room and I was like "OMG I can't take this" (he promptly pulled the packs off and called in the other PT guy), my face got all red, I busted out into this major sweat, got all dizzy, my heart was RACING!!!!!! Seriously, I almost passed out. He explained that what was happening could potentially be RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy). According to the linked website "RSD/CRPS appears to involve a complex interaction among the sensory, motor, and autonomic nervous systems, and the immune system. It is thought that brain and spinal cord (central nervous system) control over these various processes is somehow changed as a result of an injury". Basically, the capilaries in my foot are staying dialated, sometimes after a surgery and being non-weight bearing for so long there is damage to the smooth muscle fibers (**NOTE- I could have some of this wrong, if you know something more...TELL ME!), so when my foot had the cold on it, it didn't react properly. The "sympathetic" part ties into the "Fight or Flight" reaction I had, it's like it's confused on how to react. It scared the s&*t out of me....BIG TIME! I was wiped out for the rest of the day.
The good news is that we caught these symptoms early. Now that I am partially weight bearing that will help to stimulate everything, and hopefully get me out of the "danger zone" on this.
When I went back the next day we did the hot/cold contrast with just a cool towel and I was fine. Then we tried the ice pack and I made it about 45 seconds, then the same thing started to happen. It's a good sign that I made it longer, it shows that I am adapting...yippeee!
Hopefully by the end of next week I'll be allowed to take my boot off and drive, then put my boot back on when I get where I'm going, and hop around.
I just want some of my freedom back. I want to drive. I want to go to the grocery store and not make someone carry all of my shit. Not to mention.....I WANT TO RUN!!!!! But for now, I'll settle for being able to just go for a WALK!
**And one more thing, my bday is next week, exactly 1 week from today and I'll be 33.....I'll have more thoughts to post about this over the weekend.....
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
My friend Char was in town from Maryland to visit me (and she is a TNT Tri Alumni), so she was my "stand in"!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I am finishing up my first week in the boot and it is of course WAY better than the cast! Everyday when I get home (or to my parents house) from work I take off the boot and move my foot up, down, side to side, pretty much continuously until it's time to go to bed. I have managed to make it to the gym with my Dad several times. It felt great to work out! I basically did an upper body circuit and tried to superset as much as I could to keep my heart rate up.
I did have a scare on Saturday monring. I was home by myself waiting for my friend from Maryland to visit (he wasn't due to my house until about 5pm). So around 10am I was going to take a shower, I was sitting in the bathroom getting my stuff together, my little cat "Joey" came in the bathroom, snooped around, then walked out (he was only 3-4 feet away from me), then he stood up on his back legs, made weird sounds then sort of rolled over, and his eyes rolled back, then he sat up and a little bit of drool came out of his mouth and his breathing was very labored and he was still making weird noises. I seriously lost it. I had to get down the steps to get the vet's number, couldn't carry him with me, by the time I got down there and made it back upstairs I couldn't find him. I talked to the vet and they said to take him to the emergency clinic (keep in mind I CAN'T DRIVE!!!!!), I called my mom in hysterics, still couldn't find him, not under the bed, not in the closet (his 2 regular hiding spots), at this point I am full on balling, I go back downstairs and look under the couches, not there, crawl back up the steps and look more, FINALLY find him behind this dresser that is WAY TOO heavy for me to move. He was curled up back there and looked exhausted. I was able to wedge my arm behind the dresser to pet him and he started purring. Finally my Mom got to my house and we took him to the vet. As more time went on he started acting more and more normal. They did blood tests and I'm still waiting for the results, but most likely it was a mild seizure. By the time I took him home he was totally fine, just very hungry and tired.
I was so thankful that he was ok, now I just have to wait for the results and hope that he doesn't have another one. I was so scared, and to not be able to scoop him up and carry him downstairs and just take off to the vet was the worst feeling.
Other than that everything has been going ok, I am going back to my house tonight and can't wait to see "my boys" as I call them.
If anyone has had any experience with cat seizures, please share!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
The second is of Maggie....As you can see, they would actually like to sit in my lap, but since they can't they'll just lay their heads on me so that I can't go back into my cage!
Last but not least, in an effort to stay positive, today I'm wearing my Staten Island 1/2 Marathon T-shirt....that was one of the best days of my life. It was the first time that I really felt like I was "a runner". Here I was in New Jersey for work and I was able to rent a car and drive to Staten Island and do a 1/2 Marathon....something that only 6 months beforehand was completely out of the question. That is a day/event that I am so proud of, it was a huge turning point for me in many areas, it is my goal that the rest of my life is more and more like that day - everyday. I am proud that I had the confidence to enter the race, the confidence to rent a car and drive there on my own even though I had no idea how to get there and no GPS (and there are way too many bridges and opportunites to end up in the wrong state), and to just GO on my own, and make new friends, run the race, and have SO MUCH FUN DOING IT! So, here I am in my T-Shirt....I love you Staten Island!
*Sidenote - I just re-read my post and got totally teary eyed reading about the Staten Island Half.....I really can't wait to run again.....
Sunday, February 8, 2009
So far everything is going pretty good. My nerve block wore off slowly and combined with the percoset every 2 hours I was able to make it through the first 12 hours pretty well. Right now I'm just taking the pain meds as needed during the day (which seems to be just 1-2 times) and then 1 before I go to bed. This morning I woke up with a HORRIBLE stomach ache (from the meds I'm sure) so I hopped into the kitchen and had some sugar free vanilla pudding, that totally helped. Then I hopped back to my couch!
Before my surgery I ordered this "wedge pillow", it has been a life saver! It keeps my leg elevated very comfortably, I can also imagine that I will like using it even after the surgery.
Today I also tried out the recliner, it was a great change from the couch! I'm on the couch now but I think I'll head back to the recliner soon.
I'm also thinking that I'd like to take a bath today (really, I'd like to take a SHOWER, I hate baths, but a bath would be better than nothing)! I'm starting to enter the "I feel like a sloppy pile of $hi#" land....this is never a good place to be during recovery. I do look a little "crazy" (hair in a wild pony tail, tank top is all twisted and crumpled, purple sweatpants have some dog hair on them) all around I feel like "ick".
I think I'm going to attempt to lay on the floor and do some abs, maybe try stretching a little bit, or maybe I'll just stay on the couch....oh the choices that I'm faced with.....LOL!
I go back to the Dr in 11 days to get the cast off. That will be FABULOUS!
Well, I'm going to figure out what to do now. Hopefully I'll write more later.
Oh, just want you all to know that I have really enjoyed catching up on your blogs! I'm trying to catch up and get in some comments, but I've decided to just comment on your most recent post (even though I'm reading the old ones too).
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Well, I'm exhasted now....time to sleep again!
Friday, January 30, 2009
My ankle surgery is this Thursday, February 5. From this point forward I will be using my blog to track my progress/experience with the surgery, and hopefully it will become a countdown to my "first" run, "first" race, and so on.
I have spent the past 2-3 weeks getting rid of A LOT of stuff in my house and getting it all organized for my "recovery" period. The projected recovery is 6 weeks on crutches in a boot, no weight on it and no driving (it's my right ankle). The first couple days to week I'll be staying with my parents, then I'll be going back and forth between my house and their house. Hopefully it will all go smoothly....I'll check in as often as possible, you can guarantee that I'll be reading your blogs!
Words of Wisdom
See the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
Think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best.
Forget about the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
Spend so much time on the improvement of yourself that there is no time to criticize others.
Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you."
~ Chistian Dior
"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do."
- Dr. Spock
"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace the test or flunk the class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourslef. Breathe. And enjoy the ride. "