11 Weeks Post-Op Update/ I Want (part of) Last Year Back

Here's the latest....I'm currently completely out of the boot, I'm wearing a very supportive ankle brace (sort of laces up and velcros) with sneakers pretty much 24/7. At PT I started doing heel raises, eccentric lowering (stand on 4" step with bad ankle and bend knee so that good foot taps the ground), and started doing "2 up 1 down". It's like doing leg extensions, except that you put a 4 lb weight around your 1 ankle then use the other foot to assisit it lifting the bad one up, then lower the bad one by itself. Let me tell you, it's very hard! Keep in mind that when I was "normal" I would go to the gym and do the leg extension machine and not struggle too much to do 90 lbs (obviously with both legs), and I'm pretty sure that I did 45 lbs for single leg extensions, I'm sweating doing 4 lbs. At least I'm doing them though.
Of course there's more to this update....2 more things actually, I'll start with a conversation regarding my future with running at PT.
PT: So, your Dr. has talked to you about running in the future, right?
ME: Yeah, basically no more Full Marathons (PT nods his head in agreement), which I say is fine since "I really just want to run a bunch of 1/2's".
PT: Like how many 1/2's are we talking about?
ME: Well, my plan before all of this was that I was going to do 5 this year, so I'd like to be able to return to that plan at some point.
PT: I'm not so sure about that......maybe 1 or 2 per year.
ME: Why? (tears filling up in my eyes)
PT: Why would you want to do that to your body? I know you love it but I don't think you understand...
ME: Understand what? (tears fully streaming down my face)
PT: Oh no, listen, I'm treating you as I always said I would, as if you were one of my family, one of my loved ones. Listen, let's say that when we're born God gives us Grade A+ cartilage.
ME: (nod my head)
PT: I'm thinking that for your cartilage to blow out so fast in your ankle, maybe you started off with Grade B, or maybe B-.
ME: (nod my head, wipe tears, curse at my fucking sub-par cartilage)
PT: Then you blow out a chunk of your B or B- cartilage and the Dr has to go in, clean stuff out, and then "pick" your bone to make it bleed and form scar tissue to "act" as cartilage in the place where you have none.
ME: (suck in the snot that's about to come out with a massive downpour of tears, curse my motherfucking cartilage again)
PT: So now we're talking about having an F in cartilage and maybe a C in substitue cartilage. It's not meant to be "beat up" like that.
ME: (trying to not sob, doing ok at keeping it together, nod my head) This sucks.
PT: I know, it does, 100% without a doubt totally sucks. Look, if it was your knee and you were so into continuing to run, I'd say - Well, alright go ahead, we'll try to keep you as healthy as possible, just know that you'll probably get about 10 years of running and then it will be time for a knee replacement, if you don't run you'd probably need one in about 20 years, so enjoy the next 10 years. BUT unfortunately, ankles are totally different than knees. An ankle replacement is shoddy at best, that's not an option for you, but if you keep tearing your ankle apart you are going to be left with horrible arthritis and not be able to function.
ME: fuck. what am I going to do now?

I'm not handling this well, at all. I know that I could swim, I could bike, but come on you guys - YOU are the only one's that know, they aren't the same. I know that no one can give me the answer here, because there really isn't one, it just sucks. Once again, it makes me feel like I got cheated, I just found running and all the great things that came from it, and I might not get to do it all again. Sure, I could do a 5K or maybe even a 10K at some point (which I'm sure I'll be very happy to do when the time comes), but the truth is I like 10, 11, 12, 13 miles. I don't really like 3,4, or 5. You guys know, doing a 5K and doing a 1/2 are completely different. I like how a 1/2 feels.

Part 2 of the update.......so, I was in "the boot" for about 9 weeks (6w/crutches and then partial to full weight bearing). During those last few weeks walking with the boot I started having major pain in my right hip, it was so bad that it was actually waking me up at night. So at PT we started treating that too, stretches, heat, ice, massage. It was really deep in my hip, more like my groin area, my iliopsoas was really tight and tender, so that sort of made sense. Well, after a couple weeks of treating that and not getting much of a response the PT tried moving it a few more ways, then steps back and says "I don't like this. I'm getting very concerned as to why we're getting no where." I say "I know, seriously, do you think something else is wrong?" He says "Look, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't tell you this, but I need you to see a hip specialist, let's just hope that you are all jammed up from that boot, but I gotta tell you, you have a lot of the symptoms of a Labral Tear." Me "WTF?" PT "I know, look, let's just hope it's just jammed up and maybe you've got a strain in there, but you need to see someone, get some x-rays and an MRI." ME - (crying).

So, this Wednesday I will be seeing a hip specialist to figure this out. My hip HURTS, like a bitch. It hurts when I'm sitting here, it hurts when I'm laying in bed, it hurts when I'm driving, it hurts when I'm walking around.

Seriously, I'm done. I'm so over all these stupid injuries. I just want what I had last year back. I want the excitement of running in new places, meeting new friends, buying new Nike shirts, feeling good, actually feeling amazing, happy, proud, I want it all back.

That's it for now. I wish that my update was full of good news, and that everything was falling back into place, but right now it's not looking like it will. I think I need a vacation.....