Just a Quick Check In.....

I've been MIA......but I'm trying to get back on here....TONS of reading to catch up on.....I'll write a real post soon!
That's it for now......I'm off to see what you all have been up to!

Pittsburgh Marathon "Cheering" Report!

This past weekend was the Pittsburgh Marathon! As many of you know I did the Marine Corps Marathon in the fall with Team in Training (http://www.teamintraining.org/) and raised money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Through TNT I made so many wonderful friends and have become very involved in their "Alumni Club". So, when it was time to get out and support the 115 Team In Training participants....my "inner cheerleader" came out in FULL FORCE!!! We had 45 people running the Full Marathon, 42 doing the 1/2, and the remainder doing the relays!!! In total they raised over $100,000 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!!! Isn't that AMAZING?!?!?!

I got together with a couple other alumni that were either injured or had chosen not to run Pittsburgh but still wanted to be involved and we started planning. TNT was "assigned" to mile 11-12 which came up Carson Street in South Side and across the Birmingham Bridge and into Oakland. We decided that we needed to make a bunch of signs to spread out through the mile and then base our "camp" at the beginning of the bridge to cheer the runners on over the bridge and get them pumped up to tackle the hill that they faced after the bridge.

Friday night Erin and I met at my work (we have huge cutting tables) to make the signs. We started at 7:30pm and didn't finish until 12:45am!!!
Then on Saturday night we went to a friends house for a Pasta Dinner (they were running), Erin and I decided that we needed to carb load for the next day! LOL! After that we headed to Erin's house where we finished up the signs and went to bed around midnight. Before we knew it it was time to get up....5am and we weren't running! This was to get the signs out there before the road closures!

We did 1 sign that had all of the "Half" names on it and 1 sign with all of the "Full" names on it....they were LONG! Here we are hanging the "Half" sign on Carson Street....yes, we brought our own ladders!

Next it was onto the "heart" of South Side and taping the signs to various poles along Carson Street.

As we got closer to "our bridge" I was getting so excited! I knew that it wouldn't be long before we would start to see runners. We still had to get the signs spread out over the bridge....

Once we had the signs up it was time to sit back and wait.....

Oh, I forgot to mention, Erin brought a Megaphone/Bullhorn thing.....not that I needed it....BUT I LOVED it!!!!! I noticed a "camera guy" hanging around quite a bit, then he made his way over to us.....I ended up on the news! http://kdka.com/video/?id=56954@kdka.dayport.comDuring the "interview" one of our good friends that we did MCM with came running by, I was SOOOOO happy to see her! I never would have made it through my training for MCM if Chrisie wasn't there, as you can see....it was a little emotional (all while camera man stands there!)!

Eventually we made our way to the finish line and got to see just about all of our teammates cross the line! It was amazing!!! By then it seems like we pretty much stopped taking pictures and were totally "in the moment"....but I never stopped using by Bullhorn!

It was an amazing race and I was so happy to still get to be a part of it, even though I couldn't run. It was a little bitter sweet, it only made me realize even more how much I want to be able to really be a part of it all again. I know it's going to be a long time for me though, but until then I plan on being the best cheerleader out there! GO TEAM!!!!!!!!

Anyone doing the Pittsburgh Marathon this weekend???

This weekend is the Pittsburgh Marathon! Let me know if you're planning on running it! I'll be there cheering on Team in Training (and of course all the other runners)! We'll be between miles 11-12 on Carson Street at the beginning of the Birmingham Bridge.

Also, I went to the hip doctor today, xrays were fine (as we thought they'd be) and scheduled for an MRI next Thursday to see if there is a labral tear.

11 Weeks Post-Op Update/ I Want (part of) Last Year Back

Here's the latest....I'm currently completely out of the boot, I'm wearing a very supportive ankle brace (sort of laces up and velcros) with sneakers pretty much 24/7. At PT I started doing heel raises, eccentric lowering (stand on 4" step with bad ankle and bend knee so that good foot taps the ground), and started doing "2 up 1 down". It's like doing leg extensions, except that you put a 4 lb weight around your 1 ankle then use the other foot to assisit it lifting the bad one up, then lower the bad one by itself. Let me tell you, it's very hard! Keep in mind that when I was "normal" I would go to the gym and do the leg extension machine and not struggle too much to do 90 lbs (obviously with both legs), and I'm pretty sure that I did 45 lbs for single leg extensions, I'm sweating doing 4 lbs. At least I'm doing them though.
Of course there's more to this update....2 more things actually, I'll start with a conversation regarding my future with running at PT.
PT: So, your Dr. has talked to you about running in the future, right?
ME: Yeah, basically no more Full Marathons (PT nods his head in agreement), which I say is fine since "I really just want to run a bunch of 1/2's".
PT: Like how many 1/2's are we talking about?
ME: Well, my plan before all of this was that I was going to do 5 this year, so I'd like to be able to return to that plan at some point.
PT: I'm not so sure about that......maybe 1 or 2 per year.
ME: Why? (tears filling up in my eyes)
PT: Why would you want to do that to your body? I know you love it but I don't think you understand...
ME: Understand what? (tears fully streaming down my face)
PT: Oh no, listen, I'm treating you as I always said I would, as if you were one of my family, one of my loved ones. Listen, let's say that when we're born God gives us Grade A+ cartilage.
ME: (nod my head)
PT: I'm thinking that for your cartilage to blow out so fast in your ankle, maybe you started off with Grade B, or maybe B-.
ME: (nod my head, wipe tears, curse at my fucking sub-par cartilage)
PT: Then you blow out a chunk of your B or B- cartilage and the Dr has to go in, clean stuff out, and then "pick" your bone to make it bleed and form scar tissue to "act" as cartilage in the place where you have none.
ME: (suck in the snot that's about to come out with a massive downpour of tears, curse my motherfucking cartilage again)
PT: So now we're talking about having an F in cartilage and maybe a C in substitue cartilage. It's not meant to be "beat up" like that.
ME: (trying to not sob, doing ok at keeping it together, nod my head) This sucks.
PT: I know, it does, 100% without a doubt totally sucks. Look, if it was your knee and you were so into continuing to run, I'd say - Well, alright go ahead, we'll try to keep you as healthy as possible, just know that you'll probably get about 10 years of running and then it will be time for a knee replacement, if you don't run you'd probably need one in about 20 years, so enjoy the next 10 years. BUT unfortunately, ankles are totally different than knees. An ankle replacement is shoddy at best, that's not an option for you, but if you keep tearing your ankle apart you are going to be left with horrible arthritis and not be able to function.
ME: fuck. what am I going to do now?

I'm not handling this well, at all. I know that I could swim, I could bike, but come on you guys - YOU are the only one's that know, they aren't the same. I know that no one can give me the answer here, because there really isn't one, it just sucks. Once again, it makes me feel like I got cheated, I just found running and all the great things that came from it, and I might not get to do it all again. Sure, I could do a 5K or maybe even a 10K at some point (which I'm sure I'll be very happy to do when the time comes), but the truth is I like 10, 11, 12, 13 miles. I don't really like 3,4, or 5. You guys know, doing a 5K and doing a 1/2 are completely different. I like how a 1/2 feels.

Part 2 of the update.......so, I was in "the boot" for about 9 weeks (6w/crutches and then partial to full weight bearing). During those last few weeks walking with the boot I started having major pain in my right hip, it was so bad that it was actually waking me up at night. So at PT we started treating that too, stretches, heat, ice, massage. It was really deep in my hip, more like my groin area, my iliopsoas was really tight and tender, so that sort of made sense. Well, after a couple weeks of treating that and not getting much of a response the PT tried moving it a few more ways, then steps back and says "I don't like this. I'm getting very concerned as to why we're getting no where." I say "I know, seriously, do you think something else is wrong?" He says "Look, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't tell you this, but I need you to see a hip specialist, let's just hope that you are all jammed up from that boot, but I gotta tell you, you have a lot of the symptoms of a Labral Tear." Me "WTF?" PT "I know, look, let's just hope it's just jammed up and maybe you've got a strain in there, but you need to see someone, get some x-rays and an MRI." ME - (crying).

So, this Wednesday I will be seeing a hip specialist to figure this out. My hip HURTS, like a bitch. It hurts when I'm sitting here, it hurts when I'm laying in bed, it hurts when I'm driving, it hurts when I'm walking around.

Seriously, I'm done. I'm so over all these stupid injuries. I just want what I had last year back. I want the excitement of running in new places, meeting new friends, buying new Nike shirts, feeling good, actually feeling amazing, happy, proud, I want it all back.

That's it for now. I wish that my update was full of good news, and that everything was falling back into place, but right now it's not looking like it will. I think I need a vacation.....

Good Luck LAM!!!!

Todays post is dedicated to Lam, who will be running in Boston on Monday! As many of you already know, not only is he an amazing runner but Lam always shares wonderful words of wisdom and support! I know his encouragement has meant a lot to me, so this one is for LAM!

Just wish my sign could be there "in person" for your BIG DAY!!!!!

9 Weeks Post Op Update

Well, here we are, 9 weeks post op.....here's a rundown of where I am in the "healing" process...
-Physical Therapy 3 times per week for 2 hours each time (stretches, stim, ultra sound, exercises,...)
-When I'm home I wear a lace up ankle brace with my sneaker, I'm allowed to walk around in it, not up and down the steps
-Wear the boot at work and anytime that I'm out of the house

It's going OK, but then I'll be walking around in the boot and then all of a sudden I get those sharp stabbing pains again, they feel very similar to the ones I had before the surgery....they can last for anywhere from 10-40 steps, when it happens it's very hard to keep walking, and super painful. I've talked to the PT about it and talked to the Dr today, they say it's hard to tell what it means, but that most people don't experience pain when they're in the boot, we're going to continue on the plan and keep transitioning out of the boot, but I have to be honest...right now I'm not feeling so good about any of this.
I know it's very early in the recovery period, but it's definitely starting to wear on me. I need to find something else that I can do (right now) that I will enjoy, give me something to look forward to.....(what am I going to do....knit?). I have been going to the gym 3-4 times per week and doing upper body, but of course without any cardio the "crutch weight" (about 8 pounds) isn't going to vanish, and the extra pounds aren't helping in the "happiness" department. It's just so frustrating right now, on one hand I keep saying to myself "why did I have this surgery????", but then I remember that 3 Doctors told me I needed to have it......
Sorry that this is such a bitchy post, I'm just stuck right now.
I miss blogging about fun running stuff, but I'm glad that I still get to read all of yours!

32 to 33

So, today is my birthday and wow, what a year it has been! In so many ways I feel like I've "come so far" yet in some other ways I feel like I've come full circle and I'm back to "before the starting line"! In January I was planning on doing a "year in review" (running and life) but I was so pre-occupied with my upcoming surgery that I never got around to it, so I'll take advantage of a different kind of "New Year", my New Year (aka my bday)!
A year ago I didn't have this blog and had never run further than a 5K. As a matter of fact, exactly 1 year ago I was at the beginning of a very long and stressful road, not one that I would be running on, but a road with a very dear friend of mine who was about to have a complete breakdown. My friend had dealt with depression and anxiety, they had good days and bad days, but I could feel in the weeks leading up to this day that something was really off this time, and they were in trouble, in total need of help. The weeks that followed were so emotionally and physically draining, I was constantly worried and stressed out about what was happening with them and if they were ok. In the week leading up to the breakdown and then through that week and in the early weeks of treatment, there were many times that I thought I was going to lose them forever, that there was no way they were going to make it out of this, it was the most painful thing to witness, and I knew that no matter what I did it still might not be enough. I remember on my birthday getting an awful phone call from them, they were a mess, in such pain and so deep in depression, I stopped what I was doing (driving to my bday dinner) and pulled over on the side of the road and talked, and talked, and talked until I felt like it was ok to get off the phone for a little while, went to my dinner and cut it short to get back on the phone. I remember thinking "they don't even realize it's my birthday" then feeling so guilty that I was thinking that....but realizing that it just made it that much more clear to me that they were so far off.
Thankfully after a serious intervention and intense help (and many months) they have been able to make tremendous progress, they are getting "back to themselves", sure they still have rough days but they are able to deal with them, they are looking forward to new things in their life, and they want to live. It's almost hard to believe that it was just a year ago today that I was so afraid of what was going to happen to them...I remember making my wish when I was cutting my birthday cake, I just wished "for them to be ok". Can I just tell you how wonderful it felt when I checked my voice mail messages this morning and the first one was from them, singing Happy Birthday.....it brought a great smile to my face.
While going through the above situation I felt myself getting "sucked in" and for some reason it caused me to question everything about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, and honestly I was left feeling so weak, so "average" (something that I never like to be), basically I felt like shit. I knew that I couldn't do the work to "save" my friend, I could just lead them to the right places and support them, but I realized that I needed to do something to "save" myself. I felt like nothing I had accomplished was that great, like I had been coasting by in my life, afraid to fail, missing out on things, not taking chances, not committing , just going through the motions.
Once I acknowledged that I "needed" to do "something", something that wasn't going to be easy, that I had to work hard at, that for the most part I could control (meaning that I wouldn't have to completely depend on others to accomplish it), I knew it was a Marathon. That was something that I always said "I could never do" and I always admired those who were able to do it, the strength and discipline to be able to train for and complete a marathon....I knew I had it in me, it was in me just dying because I had been too afraid to let it out. I had to let go of my fears and go for it.....so I did.
My marathon training started in May (my first long run was 4 miles!), although I didn't tell many people until June what my plans were. I immediately felt a sense of purpose for myself again, that was something that I had been missing terribly. Everything was going well, then towards the middle of the month my 9 year old English Mastiff, Mister, started to fail. He had arthritis in hips and back, and on May 21 (which happens to also be the above mentioned friends birthday), I lost my boy. I had him since he was 9 weeks old, he had been with me through everything, I was crushed. I knew though I was so lucky to have him for so long, and I was so lucky to be there with him, he was never alone, never scared, he gave me one more big kiss and just went on in true Mister style....snoring peacefully.
Getting back to training was hard on one hand (all I wanted to do was sleep), but it was also the best escape. Training kept me out of the house, and that was a good thing (it was so empty without my 210 pound buddy), but it also gave me time to think about him and remember all of the good times that we had. Training also kept giving me back more of myself. Each weekend I was running further than I ever had, there were times I would cry in the middle of a run....sometimes I was crying because I lost Mister, sometimes because I still couldn't process everything I went through with my friend, sometimes because my feet hurt so bad, and sometimes it was actually because I was in disbelief that I was running 9 miles.
I did all of my training with Team in Training, and that was one of the best decisions of my life. I made so many new friends, learned how to train, learned so much about myself, all while raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Those group runs saved me, they gave me the support I needed to finish something that would change my life, but it wasn't finishing it that changed my life, it was every step along the way that did.
Finally my big day came, October 26 (exactly 5 months ago from today), the Marine Corps Marathon. It was amazing, it will forever be one of the most amazing experiences of my life (for a full re-cap of my experience click here for that blog entry).
The rest of the year was spent smiling ear to ear, still in shock that I completed a marathon, and in some pain, but hey, that comes with the territory, right???? When it was all said and done I knew I was on the right road back to myself, but we all know that isn't a journey that ever really ends, we are constantly defining ourselves. I just finally felt like I was on the right path, after being on the wrong one for so long!
Then the whole ankle thing happened, that's still recent enough that you don't need me to review that......surgery on Feb 5, in a boot on crutches, blah blah blah.....
And that leads me to today, My Birthday! I'm still in the boot and on crutches, but guess what I got to do today?????? I got to DRIVE!!!! So I'm making progress, but most importantly I'm getting some of my independence back, which will be very helpful in me getting back on the right path.
Physical Therapy is going well, it looks like I'm in the clear on the whole RSD thing, I might get to start riding the stationary bike next week, and hopefully I'll be out of the boot and off the crutches in about 2 more weeks. As for when I'll be running again, that won't be for a while, but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time and be hopeful for 2010.
Sorry that this post got so long (and so rushed at the end, but I'm getting sleepy)!
So, there you have my year in review, from 32 to 33.....what a year it has been.
Thanks to all of my friends in blogland, you've all helped me through the "downs" and celebrated the "ups" with me, I'm looking forward to another great year...hopefully full of "ups"!